Monogamish
Quick Definition
Monogamish describes a relationship that is primarily monogamous but allows for occasional, agreed-upon sexual connections with others — a term coined by advice columnist Dan Savage.
What is Monogamish?
Monogamish is a term coined by sex and relationship advice columnist Dan Savage to describe couples who are functionally and emotionally monogamous — committed to a single primary partnership — but who have negotiated permission for occasional outside sexual experiences. The "-ish" suffix is intentional: these couples don't consider themselves practitioners of the broader lifestyle or ethical non-monogamy communities, but strict monogamy doesn't fully describe their arrangement either.
Monogamish relationships typically involve infrequent, mutually agreed-upon experiences outside the primary partnership. These might occur during travel, at specific events, or under other clearly defined circumstances. Some monogamish couples have specific rules — same-room only, no repeat encounters, no local partners — while others have looser, case-by-case agreements.
The term resonated widely when Savage introduced it because it named something many couples were already doing privately without language for it. It also challenged the binary framing of relationships as either strictly monogamous or non-monogamous, suggesting a more honest middle ground that many long-term couples navigate.
For lifestyle communities, monogamish couples often represent the entry point of the broader ENM spectrum — people who are curious about lifestyle experiences but aren't yet committed to or certain about a more fully non-monogamous relationship structure.