Metamour
Quick Definition
A metamour is your partner's other partner — someone you are connected to through a shared partner but with whom you have your own independent relationship, whether that's friendship, friendly acquaintance, or something else.
What is Metamour?
Metamour — from the French "meta" (beyond or about) and "amour" (love) — describes the person who is your partner's other partner. If you and your partner are both in the lifestyle or practicing polyamory, the other couples or individuals your partner connects with are your metamours. You are connected to them through your shared partner, but the nature of your own relationship with them is entirely separate and variable.
Metamour relationships span an enormous range. In kitchen table polyamory, metamours may be close friends who socialize regularly, support each other through life events, and feel genuine affection for one another. In parallel polyamory, metamours may be politely aware of each other's existence but maintain complete separation. Many configurations fall somewhere in between.
For lifestyle couples, the metamour concept is less commonly used — lifestyle culture tends to be couple-to-couple rather than building the complex individual relationship networks that make metamour dynamics significant in polyamory. However, when lifestyle couples develop ongoing connections with specific individuals or when a partner's individual play connections become more significant, the question of how to relate to your metamour becomes relevant.
The quality of metamour relationships can significantly affect the health of an ENM network. Metamours who actively like and support each other create the positive social ecosystem that makes kitchen table polyamory work. Metamours who feel competitive, jealous, or simply don't get along can create ongoing tension that affects the primary relationship. Many experienced non-monogamous people name metamour compatibility as one of the factors they assess early in new connections.